As i get older, i feel less and less attracted to men. The more I see them, the more they disgust me.
I feel like at any moment, they'll do what he did.
I feel like almost all guys are the same.
When I was younger, I waited for my other uncles to do to me what Justin did. I figured it was what happened between an uncle and their niece.
It never happened, and I started worrying about it a lot.
But back to the point.
My boyfriend...Sometimes I can't even kiss him. I love kissing him, and he makes me happy but there is a part of me deep deep inside that is sickened by kissing him.
But i really like kissing girls. I love the way a girl holds me in her arms and whispers she loves me.
Because then, and it feels like only then, I feel fully alive.
Sometimes i sit and think, and I wonder: "How can I love someone, truly?"
And the answer I always get:
I don't know.
I'm not sure of what to do, when devoting myself to someone.
Hell, I may be fourteen but I want to feel what it's like fore someone to love me.
Sometimes I feel my mother doesn't love me at all. And that I'm just like an annoying cat who keeps clawing at her legs.
How can i trust and love someone when every person I trust bites me in the ass?
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