Changing.

I can't remember much after that. I just remember how much I changed in those few years.
I went from pink, to black.
From princess, to goth queen.
From an innocent child, to a monster.

I felt like a monster as I was growing up. I got angry with my parents way too often; sometimes I even hit my mom.
I was violent, and full of rage.
When I reached middle school, I guess I buried my anger. If I let it go, it'd make things worse.

He was still doing it to me, but I was getting old enough to know that it was wrong. More wrong than I thought, too.

I remember being on the computer in my grandmother's new house. It was her mother's. before she died. But now it's hers.
My grandma, she has many siblings. So there had to be many rooms. And in one of the room's, was my grandpa's computer.
My grandpa calls it his office. He sits in there and plays solitare on the computer, or does buisness forms online.
But he always let me on it, and i sat their talking to a bunch of my online friends.
I was talking to my friend Bre, i remember. She's a year younger than me.
He came in, and leaned down, kissing me deeply. 
I pushed him back, then said "I could easily get you arrested."
He said, "Oh yeah? Well, i don't think you'll tell anyone." He took out his cock from his jeans and started rubbing it on my tiny breasts. I pushed him again and whispered violently, "Touch me with that again and i scream like there isn't a tomorrow."
He slapped it on my face, and as i opened my mouth to scream,  he stuffed his cock in my mouth.
He kept pumping it in my mouth, down my throat.
I couldn't breathe.
He kept doing it untill he came.
It went down my throat and i choked on it.
He kept it in my mouth untill i swallowed all of it.

He zipped his pants back up and wiped the corners of my mouth, as i sat in y grandfather's computer chair, gasping for air.
"Don't tell anyone. We wouldn't want the cops involved would we?"
I shook my head, still gasping for air.
He left and i still sat there. I turned to the computer.
Bre had been freaking out. I told her what happened.
She told me to tell.
But i didn't.

I started cuttig myself in 6th grade. The end of 6th grade. I cut all summer, then stopped.
I started cutting again, the November of 7th grade. And then it continued. Untill 8th grade.
All for the same reason.